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I always thought I was an unambitious person. I didn’t care about building a career or making lots of money or having a big house or my own office. I didn’t care about impressing anyone or causing jealousy or getting a pat on the head. I never worried about what I was going to say at high school reunions. I went to university not to get a decent job, but just because I wasn’t sure what else to do. As…

I am the new reviews editor for PANK, and it’s super-fun and lovely, but I would like to share views other than my own. If you would like to review for PANK, comment here or email kirsty@pankmagazine.com. Reviews are usually 500-750 words. If you have a book/magazine/other you would like me (or someone else) to review, comment or email. If you’d like to read some of my reviews, they are heeeeyarrr.

I would like to suggest that you devote a small chunk of your weekend to fairy tales. I do not mean sweet and magical stories with happy endings: most fairy tales do not have happy endings, they have brutally ironic endings where most of the characters end up maimed or dead. On that note, I direct you to a few of my recent fairytale-inspired writings: Storytelling is a strange little Snow White story of role reversal. Read it at Seven…

As we all know, British music is huge right now. With such shit as The View and Scouting For Girls clogging the radio stations, you may wonder why. Well, wonder no more. I present the cream of British music, ‘Put A Donk On It’. So beautiful it brings a tear to my eye.

Surely I’m not the only person to see the undeniable connection between these two songs… I hope the Black-Eyed Peas are paying Flight of the Conchords some royalties.

Last year I moved in with my girlfriend, which involved sorting through many boxes of old and forgotten things. Here is one of the old things I had forgotten: I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who Pedro is. I’ve never met anyone called Pedro in my life. Who is this man? Why do I have his photo? Why does he say he loves me? Was I at some point a mail-order bride, and I have now forgotten? Not only has this…